On the Making of Apples

I’m working on designing a “contemporary operating model” for, I dunno, maybe apples or something. I’m not an expert on apples or anything. Not really sure I even like apples. But it’s obvious to me that apples can be made much more cheaply if we cut a few corners. I propose we leave out the seeds. I know, I know, seeds provide a vital role in the perpetuation of apples, but honestly, do we really need apples next year, or a decade from now? And think of the savings!
Also the stems. Let’s stop throwing money at keeping apples connected to apple trees. The tree community will be much more generous once we balance our need for apples with fiscal responsibility.
Also, I’m working on a plan to reduce, and hopefully remove, the expensive apple flavor from apples. I honestly can’t taste any difference between the ones from the farmers’ market and the crabapples in my backyard. So my plan is, stop giving the apples any plant food or water or whatever it is you’re supposed to give apples to keep them healthy and growing. Then people will be amazed at how cheaply I can make the apples, and probably no one will notice the changes in the size or taste of the apples.
I’m going to call my new venture “World-Class-ish Apple-ish Cheap Things.” I’m looking for investors, serious inquiries only.


3 responses to “On the Making of Apples

  1. From Wikipedia: “Because apples do not breed true when planted as seeds, grafting is generally used to produce new apple trees. The rootstock used for the bottom of the graft can be selected to produce trees of a large variety of sizes, as well as changing the winter hardiness, insect and disease resistance, and soil preference of the resulting tree.” I’m sure this must say something about other topics, but I’m not sure what.


  2. You may want to be careful about those apples you are planning on managing. They can be very dangerous fruits. You know what happened to those trusting souls in the garden of eden!


  3. American’s always thinking that what they do in their village is the best in the world. Atlantan, apparently, has the best chorus in the world…



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